It's been a while since we last spoke. My bad. I've been
wanting to write for a while but in honesty I've found myself too preoccupied
with something that I haven't done for over 10 years – looking for a new job.
But whilst I'd set aside today a while ago to write this chapter, up until
yesterday afternoon this post would have had a completely different feel to it.
It’s funny how one decision or one conversation can
completely change the outlook of something. And it's with that in mind that I
want to jump back to a question that challenged me when I was in the pub with
Lania, Howson, Hayley and Joe a month or so ago (and first started writing
notes for this chapter). What I will say is that i certainly didn't expect to
discover how relevant those thoughts would be today as I sit here to write
this.
It's fair to say that I love spending time in the pub. It's
not just the beer aspect, but it's also the social part. Questions can be
asked. Questions can be answered. And you can generally find out more about someone
in an environment like that than you can in any other situation. But whilst
most conversations in the pub will dart around banter and questions that will
make everyone laugh, occasionally a question will be asked that really
challenges. And on a cold January night in one of Gloucester’s least attractive
(yet splendidly cheap) pubs that is exactly what happened.
Have you ever stopped
to think about the major turning points in your life and how they looked at the
time? Did they seem significant then?
Every single one of us will have had a number of moments
when things changed. These turning points might have been through our control
or not. They could have been through decisions we have made or because of
decisions forced upon us. But you should be able to look back and think of a
few moments when things have changed for you. I've got a fair few that spring
to mind. You’ll obviously have your own, but let me walk you through some of mine
in a vague timescale order and then you can start thinking more about yours.
What you’ll find as you start to go through them is how one outcome ripples and
influences the rest. So here we go…..
1. Youth club. It’s
hard to describe how influential starting to go to youth club was in my life. Youth
Club has given me my oldest friends, my brothers and an amazing extended
family. Was also when music started being a major part of my life.
2. Secondary school decision. Without which I wouldn't have met some amazing people but more
crucially I wouldn't have met the music teacher who not only inspired me but
encouraged me (and who I'm honoured to say is still my friend).
3. Started to get heavily involved in New Wine. Without which I certainly wouldn't have the
faith I have today (and everything that comes along with it), be involved in so
many amazing projects, have properly started leading worship or met some very
key people who are still part of my life now.
4. Went to MUSIC college after secondary school. Without which I wouldn't have gotten a major
taste of the music industry, started promoting or joined a band (which whilst
occupying only a small portion of time in my life had a major impact on the
future).
5. Moved to Cheltenham to begin the second stage of
my life. Without which, well you’ll see –
but I wouldn't have made this move if it hadn't been through the people I met
at New Wine.
6. Started The Faction. Without which I wouldn't have met some of my closest friends or even stayed
in Cheltenham. I couldn't have done this without the knowledge I gained at
college. As a side note, Dan and Christine wouldn't be together and Amelia
wouldn't be here if this hadn't happened.
7. Started working for The Quest. Without which (very crucially here) I
WOULDN’T HAVE MET CASS. But I couldn't have done this if I didn't have the
knowledge of promoting whilst working with the Faction.
8. Romance time. Got together with Cass and because of that decided to leave The Quest.
Without which, I wouldn't have started working for National Grid.
9. Started working for National Grid. Without which I wouldn't have been lucky
enough to meet some of the most amazing people that it could ever be possible
to come across. A number of whom will be part of my life for years to come.
10. Got
Married. Without which I wouldn't be the
man that I am today. It's very simple. But very true. Alongside my faith this
was the most important decision of my life.
11. Moved
to Gloucester. Without which my
relationship with my friends from National Grid would be nowhere near as strong
as it is now (much less time together outside work). Would I even have stayed
with the company?
12. Moved
to The Bridge Church. Without which I
would not be the worship leader I am today or have met some really key people
in my life.
13. Started
1:27. Without which I would not have the
contacts or experience that I have now. This stems back to a relationship that
was built through the Faction and my experiences through it.
14. Joined
Exalt. Without which I wouldn't have
joined C3, started Seek, got involved with RIVERcamp, met more amazing people and
probably wouldn't have the honour of travelling the country and leading
worship.
15. Started
writing for the Daily Cannon and started 10 Resolutions. Without which I wouldn't have the experience of writing as I do now,
understand my football club (or football) as well as I do and crucially
wouldn't have understood how important it would be for me to write down my
feelings over the next couple of years (and counting).
16. Charis,Joey (and a bit later) Amelia. Without
which I certainly wouldn't have the joy of seeing them grow up as I have in my
life now, but without them I also probably wouldn't have come out of the next
step as the man I am today.
17. Chapter 9. Without which Cass and my relationship
certainly wouldn't be as strong as it is now. But if I'm honest about it, I'm
still waiting to see the bigger side of this….
18. RIVERcamp,
C3 and Seek. Without which I wouldn't
have found the most amazing band, started my role for RIVERcamp or push in
worship as much as I do now. The most amazing part of this step though is that
there is so much more yet to come.
19. News
of redundancy. Without which, well……..I
probably wouldn't have forced myself into step 20.
20. New
job (hopefully soon).. Without which,
well…….
So there you have it. The key moments from my life in a
nutshell. I'm sure that there are more that have escaped me. And there are also
probably some that I haven't yet seen the significance of or properly
understand yet. But as I've sat down to write down these steps I've realised how
something good has come from each of those life-changing moments. I’d encourage
you to do the same. We have all sat down and tried to think in the past about
how life would be different if we had made a different decision at a certain
point. But what doing this has done for me is to help me realise that I do have
hope for the future. If something good has come out of each step (even if I
can't see it or understand it yet) then how can I doubt that there will be something
good around the corner waiting for me (even if I can't grasp it yet).
Over the last 2 months, my daily life and routines have
changed significantly. No longer is the first website I check in the morning
the BBC Football gossip column. No, now my morning routine exists of checking
job alert emails, applying for any jobs that might have appeared since I
checked the night before (it won't surprise you to know that very little
changes overnight) and frantically hitting my email refresh button to see if
anyone wants me to do a job for them. I've also found that I've been checking
my phone unnaturally regularly to see if I've missed a call from anyone that
might want to employ me – despite my phone normally being on loud (for the
first time in as long as I can remember). Searching for a job is a frustrating
thing and the sad truth is that no amount of outsourcing (whilst helpful) or
people saying it will be ok (whilst lovely) can prepare you for the experience
or some of the setbacks that you may well encounter along the way. There are
close to 100 people in my office currently experiencing the same thing. At
times, the process is nothing short of heartbreaking.
At the tail end of January I applied for a couple of jobs that
I liked the look of and then in the days and weeks following I applied for many
many more as the type of job I wanted wasn't readily available (or wasn't advertised).
I started applying for roles in desperation as I hadn't heard back from a
number of the roles I did really like. It became a bit of an obsessive
addiction.
In the second week of February though, (whilst at my lowest
point since I'd started looking) the situation started to change. I started to
get emails and calls asking me to interview for roles. A few were for roles I
really liked. Most however came from the roles I had applied for out of fear
for not getting anything else. Over the course of the next couple of weeks I
interviewed for a number of jobs, was on two occasions told I was overqualified
and also found myself withdrawing from some roles that simply didn't feel
right. But what about the roles that I like the look of?
One role had its job description changed so much between the
first and second interview that I withdrew my application. Another role had lovely
people interviewing me but I didn't feel that the role would challenge me
enough so I withdrew from that as well. I then lost out on one of the roles I
most liked the look of. I came 2nd out of 142 people but that was of
no comfort to me as I didn't get the job. I correctly guessed the person who
would get it if I didn't but then after going on LinkedIn to congratulate them,
I realised that the person who got the job had previously worked with the
advertising manager for 6 years and had been doing some extra copywriting work
for them (covering the role) anyway over the last few months. When I found out
that I didn't get the role I was gutted and I was hurt. But then the next day I
had another email.
One of the first roles I had applied for was with a company
that if you you had asked me at the start of all of this if I would like to
work for them I would have snapped your hand off in excitement. But I hadn't
heard anything. But last week I had an email from them asking if I would like
to interview for the role. The interview was on Monday. When walking through
the door I wanted to not like something about the company so it would make the
possible rejection after hurt less. Yet what I found that was with every
moment, I wanted to work for the company even more.
It's safe to say that I have never before walked out of an
interview less sure of how I had done. I'd either done really well or really
badly. There was no middle ground. And on the train on the way home my mind
started to drift to all of the things that I hadn't said. My mind was preparing
me for the inevitable. I was told that I would hear by Friday, but when I
missed a call from them yesterday I held off on listening to the voicemail
because of the finality to it. If I didn't listen to the voicemail then I would
still have a chance. I'd spent what seemed like so long waiting for the result
of the interview (even though I wasn't expecting the result until Friday) that
I didn't want my chance to be over. I wanted the job, I wanted to work for the
company. I wanted them to want me. I didn't want them to say no. I prayed for
them to changed their minds and to give me a shot. But with a feeling of
inevitable rejection I built up the courage to call the company back for my
feedback and for them to say no.
But that's not what happened.
It turned out that I had done well in the interview. Very
well in fact. So much so that they asked me to come in again and meet the
person that would be my future boss for an informal chat. They really liked me
and wanted me to meet the future boss to check that we clicked. This chat is
next Thursday (a week today) so please spare your thoughts and prayers for me
around 3pm that it all goes well. It's not done. It's not dusted. It's not final and it's a fair way off anything being signed. But it's a leap in the right direction.
I wrote at the start of this chapter that the tone of this
post could well have been much different. And it could well have been. I don't
know what I would have done if I had been rejected. It wouldn't have been the
end of the world, I'm no fool I understand that. It would have been a setback. But
with nothing else on the horizon, a rejection would have without question
placed me at a new ‘lowest point’ since my search for a new role began. It
turns out though that yet again I am reminded that I do have a hope and that I
do have a future. I'm reminded again of what having faith actually is.
I don't know where you are at in terms of faith or what you
believe in or what you don't. I can't answer questions on suffering, why it
happens or why certain things or events take place. But what I do know is that
looking back at my life I realise that there is no way that I could be where I
am today without my faith or be the man I am today without it. There are far
too many ‘coincidences’ across the course of my life to doubt that someone is
watching over me and my very simple prayer is that as you read this chapter
you'll go back over your life and look at some of your steps and see the bigger
picture and see how those steps have shaped you. I want you to be encouraged. You do have a hope. You do
have a future. And if you feel like you don't, just take a step back and look
at the steps that have got you to where you are now. We might not be able to
see the next step in our lives. We might not be able to grasp it yet. But it is
definitely there. Who knows, the next step may have started but you just might not have realised.
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".
Have fun. God Bless. Speak soon (I promise).
